Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
