it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
