I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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