Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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