don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
pray to the hookup gods
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
