I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
