haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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