and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
