You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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