im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
