Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
