so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
