I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
