***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
