Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
