my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
