I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She announced her abortion via fbk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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