i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
