please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
