She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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