i just had sex bonerless
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
