I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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