I wannas sexs uuuuu
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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