All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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