How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
