dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
