if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
