Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
