If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
