dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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