I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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