Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
