woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
