He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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