I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
