Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
