My hand turned me down
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
