this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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