i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
