He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
