took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
where are my eyebrows?
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