One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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