imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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