The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
