I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize