I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
