You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
