New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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