i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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