she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize