Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
