I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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