If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
