i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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