New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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