Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
