Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
