The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize