Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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