my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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