No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
