i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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