im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
