my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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