Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So. Much. Porn.
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