I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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