never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
