I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
