He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
