You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
