Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
