a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
