i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
