So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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