I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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