You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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